a few slightly R rated jokes

Category: Joke Board

Post 1 by Blue Velvet (I've got the platinum golden silver bronze poster award.) on Sunday, 16-Nov-2008 13:14:59

Baby
Two gay men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a Surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other.
'All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!'
The nurse says, 'Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass!'
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Prostrate Checkup A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The guy obeys and says, '99'!
The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand,
and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99.'
The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'.
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Sex Life
Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says, "Did you know that a moose has sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Ah crap!," says his friend, "and I just joined the Eagles!"
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Senior Exam
Old people have problems that haven't even been considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, Doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.' Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between
her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the damn jar open!!!!

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Post 2 by SEPTEMBER-TWILIGHT (CAN I TALK? PLEASE?) on Sunday, 16-Nov-2008 16:01:32

omg becky, roflmao. i love these. especially the senior exam one

Post 3 by laced-unlaced (Account disabled) on Monday, 17-Nov-2008 5:24:47

hehehe, they are cool. i like the first 1

Post 4 by soaring eagle (flying high again!) on Monday, 17-Nov-2008 8:17:39

wow! will have to save these! thanks needed the laugh!

Post 5 by blindndangerous (the blind and dangerous one) on Monday, 17-Nov-2008 10:15:19

nice becky. I definitly like the exam one.

Post 6 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Wednesday, 31-Dec-2008 12:37:52

You're one good-humored lady, if I do say so myself. I love these, especially the prostate exam one.